Deceptive affection
How a disconnect between writer friends almost halted creative output
Deceptive affection is a term described by American psychologist Mark Travers, the author of this article, as a form of communication that does not match one’s true feelings in that moment.
He explains:
Deceptive affection consists of intensified affection, a form of expressing more affection than one really feels, and withheld affection, which involves holding back genuine feelings of genuine affection.
Looking deeper into why people might engage in deceptive affection, he came up with two possibilities:
- Routine relationship maintenance
- Perceived threats to the relationship
Immediately upon reading the article, I was reminded of a friendship with a writer friend which disconnected over a misunderstanding. It launched me back to the time when I navigated my writing endeavors without the input, the encouragement, even some form of validation I enjoyed in the almost daily chats we engaged in.
Yet the article described the scenario I was in almost to a tee. Not only that, it touched on dreaded topics like breadcrumbing and ghosting.
Ghosting: a cruel and undeserved method of abruptly ending all communication without explanation.
This act of leaving a relationship abruptly without explanation, even if it is early on in the getting-to-know phase, is especially hurtful if bread-crumbing techniques were used by one party.
Bread-crumbing: a behavior in which one person sends intermittent, often vague messages to keep another person interested without any intention of fully committing into a relationship.
Preoccupied about this topic, I turned to words. Writing about this might help me process my thoughts more clearly and aid in letting go of a situation which no longer serves me.
I think it worked. I haven’t thought about that incident in three days.
Read my full article on my substack publication Room with a Door. Subscribing is free!
If you enjoy my content please subscribe!
All my content is streamlined on my website writerofwordsetc.ca
Thank you for reading.
